To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
