i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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