i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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