her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Enjoy the penises
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
