I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
