Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
