If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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