Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
