Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
