wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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