Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
