WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So many bounce houses so little time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
