Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
