I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
