So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
