i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
