Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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