i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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