I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
