i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
