Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
