I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
