If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
