I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everclear isn't food dammit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
