Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
