Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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