went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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