sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
