Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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