I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
