I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
