You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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