Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
