i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
