hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
