why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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