so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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