Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
