Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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