margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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