chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
home. puking in laundry basket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
