woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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