he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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