when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fill condoms, not promises.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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