I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
