Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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