Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
