If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
