u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She is in my trunk
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How external is "for external use only"?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
