My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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