I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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