every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
