Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
