I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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