Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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