Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize