I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
