my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
