Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize