its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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