so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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