i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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