My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
