if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize