I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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