I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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