Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
