I'm gonna have a badass scar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
