This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
