wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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