8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
