I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
